Estimated reading time: 5 mins 34 seconds
Hello World!
It has been a minute! But here we are! I have created my first Facebook page regarding this blog, in order to reach out to more people! So, if you haven’t joined, and you want to, please click here. Today’s post is referring to the Adam Loves Eve series. If you are new here, I recommend you start with the introduction and move from there. Please click here to get started. Without further ado, let’s get reading.
*A reminder, this blog series is geared towards husbands/males. If you are a female, it is recommended that you do NOT continue reading. Be blessed!*
The format is as follows:
Summary Statement: This will be a 2-3 sentence summary of the entire chapter.
Key Takeaways: This will highlight maybe 2-3 key takeaways from the chapter.
Key Q/As: This is optional, but I will list some of the key questions/problems they notice in men, as well as the answers.
Summary Statement:
Your marriage can be either in Eden or Gehenna. Eden represents peace and love, Gehenna represents hell. The responsibility is on the husband.
Key Takeaways:
Marriage Responsibility
A true marriage requires 2 (and only 2) people. It requires 1 man and 1 woman. They are both responsible for making the marriage work to some extent. However, the spiritual component of the marriage always falls on the husband.
Ephesians 5:23 NIV “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”
If the husband is called to be head of the wife, it would make sense that the husband has more responsibility in maintaining the marriage. As said in the above scripture, Christ died for the church, and in the same way, we as husbands must die for our wives. But what does that look like?
The Wife
On pages 34-38 of the Adam Loves Eve book, the authors go into extreme detail about what husbands complain about their wives. Other than extreme circumstances, most problems that husbands raise about their wives are rooted in their (husband’s) lack of understanding of who their wives are.
God designed women to operate from an emotional core. Page 35 “When a woman is unhappy, she feels that unhappiness deeply, and it affects her behavior and poisons interactions with her husbands in predictable ways.” As men, we shouldn’t be surprised if our wives allow their emotions to dictate their behavior, that’s how God designed them. Before her marrying you, “She was a completely ordinary girl…” but now, “She had her life and joy stomped out of her by a man she used to love.” The person she looked forward to being with now causes years of emotional abuse that she cannot help to be bitter.
As men, if we do not recognize that some of the issues in our marriages stem from how we affect the emotions of the person we are supposed to die for…we end up living in the fires of Gehenna.
I do agree that as men, we see ourselves as being more logical and rational compared to our emotion-driven wives. This, too, is dangerous. We may argue logic and make rational statements, but at what cost? We win the argument, but attack our wives emotionally in the process. The bible says it this way:
1 Peter 3:7 -“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
God designed men to be a cast-iron pot, but he designed women to be like fine china. If we aren’t too careful, our hard shell can crush and shatter that fine china. And a weaker partner does not mean lesser, it means we need to be gentler, and we need to honor and respect her. Otherwise, God will hinder your prayers. He gave you his daughter to be taken care of, not to be used and abused. And God won’t let you off the hook.
When a woman marries a man, the woman (knowingly or unknowingly) gives up everything to that man. That man becomes “her sense of vitality, self-worth, and self-respect. She needs him to affirm her and believe in her. Whenever the husband criticizes her, reprimands her, or corrects her, even in a constructive manner, he crushes her sense of dignity and self-respect.”
A wife can criticize her husband, because we are created to take criticism. But that same criticism from a husband to the wife will “lodge deeply in a woman’s heart like barbed and poisoned arrows. She feels the life and vitality drain out of her body.”
God made the husband to be a conduit of God’s infinite, forgiving grace and love to her wife. When we fail at performing our role of a priesthood to our wives, not only will this affect our wives relationship with God, it will also sever our relationship with God.
With all that being said, the biggest takeaway, Don’t Make Your Wife Cry.
Divorce is Not an Option
Matthew 19:6 NIV “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Jesus teaches that a married couple can only divorce in the case of adultery. However, when we look at the statistics (in America), there was a national survey in which people could choose multiple reasons. What is the most common reason? 1. Lack of Commitment @ 73%. 2. Argue too much @56%. 3. Infidelity @55%. For disciples of Jesus, if we decided to get married, we definitely cannot divorce for reasons like lack of commitment or arguing. Satan aims to destroy what God has put together. And if you are feeling this in your marriage, do not worry, there is an answer, and it starts with YOU!
The first step is to remove the word divorce from your vocabulary. For the husband, the marriage is your responsibility as God calls you the Head. Jesus would never divorce his church, even if we commit the sin of adultery, so we as husbands should never entertain divorce as well. In case there is infidelity or adultery, then the husband can only entertain divorce if he has never committed adultery. And just to make sure we are on the same page…
Matthew 5:28 NIV “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Jesus defines adultery as just looking. So watching pornography, looking at another woman’s butt, or breasts with lust in your heart, or maybe watching a movie and wanted to press rewind for a quick look see, or maybe you google a woman’s name to see their body closer…you get the idea. I’m guilty of these too. As husbands and men of God, we need to shift our mindset to understanding that the sin of adultery is much more than fornicating with another person. It’s what’s in the heart that God (and our wives) cares about.
With that being said, if we cannot divorce our wives, then there are only two options. Will our marriage be peaceful like the Garden of Eden, or will it be torment like the fires of Gehenna? The Bible says it this way:
Deuteronomy 30:19 NIV “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.”
Page 42 ” If you commit yourself to a path of repentance and carefully implement the things you learn in this book, your marriage will go from spiritual death to spiritual life. You will become a blessing to your wife instead of a curse, and she will become a blessing to you.”
In conclusion, if you commit yourself to become a true follower of Jesus, like you say you are, you will be fine. (I’m also talking to myself here aswell :D)
With Love,
Ayodeji Alaketu
